Perfect (Beautifully Broken Love #1) Read online

  “God,” Alex says and storms off.

  Almost immediately, I start to cry.

  I can’t help it.

  The tears are just falling from my eyes without my permission.

  I try to wipe them off but before I do I feel someone’s presence around me.

  “Here,” he’s holding a bunch of folded tissues in his hand that look like they’ve been in his pockets for ages and they’re all crumpled up.

  I know that face.

  He has green eyes and long hair and it’s a handsome face if it wasn’t for the dark circles and bloodshot eyes that ruin the effect. He’s the same guy who crashed into me last night, when Alex and I were on our way to the party that one of his friends was throwing. Let’s not even get into how awful that was—an entire night of me standing aside like an idiot, because Alex was too busy getting himself drunk and he ignored me perfectly until it was time to go back. And then he was the fun Alex again. He was too drunk and passed out before I could be pressured into making out with him so that was a good thing I suppose, I didn’t have to face the dilemma of not being ready to ‘put out.’ But that wasn’t going to last forever. Naturally, ever since we woke up, Alex has been at it again.

  “Thank you,” I say, taking the offered tissues.

  “I’m Holden,” he says, extending a hand.

  I take it. “Jamie.”

  “Hello Jamie,” he says.

  He looks more sober than he did last night.

  Last night he looked like a total mess; now he looks almost happy.

  Almost.

  “We keep running into each other,” Holden says. “Thought we should at least get to learn each other’s names.”

  “True,” I say. “And I’m sorry you had to witness this.”

  “I’m sorry you had to witness that,” he says. “Whatever I was last night, had to have been a lot worse than you crying in a hotel hallway.”

  I say nothing.

  I don’t know what to say.

  “I was trying to be funny,” Holden explains. “Guess I’m terrible at it.”

  “Yeah well,” I say. “Don’t quit your day job just yet.”

  “Duly noted,” he says and there’s a hint of a smile on his face.

  “Well,” he says. “I would love to stay and chat, but I kind of promised someone I’d be at the bar in the next five minutes.”

  “Of course,” I say. “I’ll just go to my room and see if they have something with Ryan Reynolds on pay-per-view.”

  “You do that,” he says and casually smoothes a lock of my hair, tucks it behind my ear. The movement is so natural and unassuming I can’t think of a reason to stop him. “Try not to cry too much, Jamie.”

  Of course that just makes me want to cry again but I don’t. “Thanks.”

  “My pleasure,” he says.

  I watch him leave.

  And then, I head toward my room.

  For some reason, this silly little encounter has put me in a good mood despite Alex’s behavior. And when I do find a movie on pay-per-view I know that I’m having more fun than I would have being anywhere with Alex.

  3.

  SEBASTIAN

  I want you Sebastian.

  You are like no one I’ve ever met before.

  You make me want to live my life again. You make me want to smile. To believe that something better exists.

  “Sebastian,” Holden’s voice interrupts my thoughts and I shove the letter inside my pants’ pocket; the same letter that I have read a million times just like the ones that came before it, and that I’m still somehow hiding from my friends.

  “Hey,” I fist-bump Holden and as Holden sits on the table next to me, I see Teague and Daniel in the distance. They’re laughing about something but the minute Daniel sees Holden, he gets all serious. The dinner hall seems to have become heavy with the silent furies of my two best friends. For a long time, I don’t think Daniel is about to sit down but Daniel must have decided there’s no reason to bring the fight to the dinner table of an expensive restaurant, so he does so without a word. Yes, I have heard about the fight. The entire hotel heard about the fight apparently and I was actually the last one to find out. If it hadn’t been for Teague’s drunken twitter update I wouldn’t have found out at all. I’m angry but between Holden’s angry outbursts and Daniel’s constant annoyance with Holden’s outbursts, I barely ever get anything in edgewise. Sometimes I hate the way the three of them treat me—like I’m some kind of freak, a child who doesn’t know anything just because I don’t sleep around like the rest of them and I’m not prone to doing all the stupid things they do. But there is someone in this world who thinks you’re special. Someone who thinks you’re more. The thought puts me at ease and I’m not so angry anymore.

  Even when I look towards my friends, there’s new positivity in my voice.

  “What did you do last night?” I ask, hoping to kickstart a conversation.

  No one answers.

  Well, that went great.

  That’s when I decide staying silent would be my best course until the Holden-Daniel feud is over. This is hardly the first time Daniel and Holden are fighting, but it’s the first time the fight got so out of hands they had to resort to using their fists. Holden is still wearing a pretty nasty bruise over one eye and a cut lip, and Daniel has a bruised cheekbone. It’s weird because neither of them have ever raised a hand on each other before, and honestly speaking, I don’t like it one bit. I also don’t like the person that I know caused the fight in the first place. I know Natalie is bad news but I’ve never had the courage to say as much to Holden because he just seems so into her and I was afraid something I might say would hurt him. Daniel on the other hand is nothing like me and doesn’t care about being politically-correct.

  Hence, the fist-fight last night.

  “Did you order?” Teague asks, probably just as keen as me to get the bad feelings come to some kind of resolution.

  “Yes,” I say. “I placed all our orders, just as we planned.”

  I hope they would hear the word plan and realize what they’re doing is wrong.

  We came here because we wanted to have fun.

  But so far, Holden has been spending every waking moment with Natalie, and every non-waking moment passed out from the alcohol and sex, while Daniel has been busy trying to break them apart and it is a total disaster. Casinos and random women aren’t even my thing! The only reason I came here was because I thought we all might benefit from a break, enjoy some time off before we had to get back to school to finish our degrees.

  Too bad none of this could be considered fun.

  “Good boy,” Teague says as a joke but it feels rude for some reason and I can’t help but think I want him to stop calling me that.

  “That’s not funny, Teague.”

  “Don’t you think there’s enough animosity at the table already?” Teague says. “Do you really want to add to it, Sebastian?”

  “I suppose not—”

  “I’m sorry,” Holden says out of nowhere, shocking the entire table. Even Teague seems taken aback. I stare speechless at Holden first, and then I turn my attention to Daniel who is busy playing with his fork, clearly acting like he hasn’t heard it but I can see those emotions on his face that are fighting to come to the surface. It’s a wonder that Daniel has been sitting silently until now without striking Holden again. It’s a wonder Daniel is still at the table, in fact, though the Cabernet might have something to do with it.

  “Daniel,” Teague says. “I think Holden’s trying to apologize.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with my hearing, Teague,” Daniel says.

  “Come on,” I chime in. “Daniel. You need to let it go.”

  “Sebastian’s right,” Holden says. “If it makes you feel any better, I feel like an idiot.”

  Daniel considers this. He stops playing with the fork and turns to Holden. “You hit me,” he says. “You did it for her. You expect me to just forgive you?”

&
nbsp; “I didn’t hit you because of her,” Holden counters. “I hit you because I was piss drunk.”

  “You’re piss drunk every night,” Daniel says.

  “Would it make a difference, Daniel?” Holden asks. “If I accepted that accusation?”

  “Yes,” Daniel says.

  Holden rolls his eyes. “Fine,” he says. “I did it because of her, are you happy? Now please, can we get on with our vacation?”

  “I wasn’t the one who put a dent in our plans,” Daniel says, and it’s obvious he’s still not completely over the fight. But I know Daniel, and I know he doesn’t hold a grudge too long, despite the fact that he happens to have a bit of a temper problem. But his temper problems are nothing compared to Holden’s so there’s that. Since they both happen to be somewhat inflammable this sort of thing happens rather frequently. Holden and Daniel get into fights over Natalie or something related to Natalie, stay mad at each other for a few days and then they go back to being fine as though nothing happened. This is hardly the first time it’s happened.

  When the food arrives we all dive in with a new gusto; the stuff that was unresolved between Daniel and Holden, had been putting more pressure on our friendship than I had thought it would.

  You are special, Sebastian.

  You are worth every gesture of love. Every breath I take is yours.

  But why do I feel like you don’t know your own value? Why do you have to hide behind your friends when you can be a person on your own? Why do you have to do anything if you don’t want to?

  Holden’s phone rings and from the look on Holden’s face, it is clear who is calling.

  Daniel looks the most upset, trying hard to manage his anger.

  We expect Holden to leave the dinner table with some made-up excuse but Holden surprises us by putting his phone on silent and placing it back inside his jeans pocket.

  You are hot, Sebastian Spanner.

  But not just because you have blue eyes and blonde hair and because the cleft on your chin gives your face a gentle prominence; but because when you smile, it’s like the angels are smiling right along with you.

  “So,” Holden says, diving into his steak. “What’s the plan for tonight?”

  “I want to hit the casinos,” Daniel says.

  “I don’t know,” Teague says. “Casinos aren’t really my thing.”

  “Well,” Holden says. “We can’t all do your thing, Teague.”

  Everyone at the table knows what Holden is talking about. Teague’ secret is a non-secret; the biggest proverbial elephant in the room I have ever seen, but everyone either jokes about it or says nothing most of the time, and I think it might be because they don’t like to admit Teague might be in trouble. In every way, Teague’ problems are no different than Holden’s problems, in fact they might be worse, but the only reason they still only poke fun at him is because of the way Teague carries that secret—like it’s not something to keep hiding at all. Something Holden hasn’t been able to do in Natalie’s case. Probably because there’s a huge difference in the way Holden handles things and the way Teague handles things. Daniel has a thing too—lately he’s been sleeping around with more women than he cares to admit but again, it’s not something he considers a problem.

  I wonder if I have a thing.

  I love you Sebastian.

  And one day, soon, I’m going to prove it to you.

  Perhaps my thing is written in black cursive on paper that smells like water lilies and the ocean.

  4.

  DANIEL

  Surprise Surprise Holden Danvers was making a grand entrance on the dance floor and the women in the club seemed to be under some kind of spell. If it came right down to looks I knew why those women did it—Holden seemed to exude some sort of magic—he was like an aphrodisiac only ten times stronger than any pill or concoction known to mankind. Women fell under his charm like moths fell for those constantly-buzzing insect-killing machines. But even though I’m no Holden Danvers, I’ve never had trouble getting women to like me. Holden might have his ways but I had mine. I’m still trying to figure out whether or not I want to be on the floor with them, when this girl walks in. Honestly speaking, she’s not even the prettiest girl around but for some reason I can’t stop looking at her. In fact, she’s not hot, in the sense of the word and she looks out of place in this club. I wonder who forced her here and about to go talk to her when a guy comes and stands right next to her and whispers something in her ear. He looks a bit drunk, which I suppose isn’t strange considering where we are, and it might just be me but he gives off a strange vibe. I can tell they haven’t been together long, which means she might actually be available. But she looks like the sort of girl who would be sincere to one guy and so I know I’m not about to get anywhere with her.

  And then the guy leaves and I catch her shooting a glance at Holden. Holden sees her and waves. They both exchange smiles and I think Holden tries to convince her to dance but some other girl who has been vying for Holden’s attention wins at her game and Holden leaves the floor with her. Teague is dancing with Mia, the girl he’s currently dating; well at least it’s dating from his side. Mia happens to be a free spirit and doesn’t like the idea of being tied down to one person. Teague pretends like he’s fine with it but we all know that he’s nowhere near fine. We can tell because every time Mia goes out with someone else Teague stays high all night and disappears for days. The girl I had my eye on, is standing there, still waiting for her date, and she looks out of place—and for some reason, prettier than she looked before.

  “Like what you see, Daniel?”

  Sebastian screams in my ear.

  “Maybe,” I say. “But she has a boyfriend.”

  “Her boyfriend’s a total douche,” Sebastian comments.

  “How do you know?”

  “Holden told me,” Sebastian replies.

  “Holden?” I remember the exchange of waves and smiles. “They know each other?”

  “Jamie,” Sebastian says.

  “Pardon?”

  “That’s her name,” Sebastian says. “Jamie something.”

  “Is Holden—” I’m afraid to say the next words but Sebastian jumps to save me from having any more doubt and almost interrupts my question to respond.

  “Holden barely knows her,” he says. “I mean, let’s face it. She isn’t even his type. She’s no Natalie or Cadence or Denise or even a Mikayla,” I don’t even remember the faces of the women Sebastian is talking about but I have vague recollections about their times with Holden and I know they all looked like underwear models. “So you’re free to make your move!”

  “And why are you playing cupid?”

  “Because,” Sebastian says. “Recently, I’ve been doing some reading and it’s got me thinking. Maybe there is something to this whole love business.”

  I look at Sebastian in mock surprise. “Look at you,” I say. “Who would have thought Mister-Forever-Virgin would find something to value in the dark, empty streets of love.”

  “They’re only dark and empty if you make them.”

  I almost laugh out loud. “Sebastian,” I say. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

  He just smiles.

  But it’s one of those secretive smiles that he has been giving us for a while now and I just know he has something up his sleeve. The girl—Jamie—looks like she’s now officially stranded.

  “You should go,” Sebastian says. “Before someone else finds her and makes a move.”

  “What makes you think I’d be any better?”

  “Because,” Sebastian says. “I know you. And you’re a lot of things but you’re not a douchebag.”

  “Why are you acting like you’re some kind of rent-a-cherub?”

  “Look,” Sebastian says. “I know for a fact she’s a nice girl. And you’re a nice guy. Maybe you need to stop with all the one-night stands you’ve been having lately. We both know you’re not that guy, Daniel.”

  I hate when Sebastian is so spot
on.

  “I don’t even get why you’re doing it,” Sebastian continues. “Are you trying to compete with Holden? Is that it?”

  “Why would I want to do that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Sebastian,” I say. “Holden’s my best friend. You don’t compete with your best friend.”

  “Then why have you been doing it?” Sebastian asks. “You’ve never been a fan of one-night stands before.”

  “I don’t know,” I say.

  “It’s because of her,” Sebastian says.

  I don’t want to admit it and I certainly don’t want to discuss my ex which is what Sebastian seems to want.

  “It’s not her,” I say, but even I know that it doesn’t make for a convincing argument.

  “I know it is,” Sebastian says. “It’s like you’re trying to become someone else. Someone you’re not. Why?”

  “I didn’t know you were majoring in psychology.”

  “Will you just go say hi to her before her date steps in?”

  “What if her date is some sort of nut,” I say. “I go over and say hello and he kicks my ass before I get a word in.”

  “You saw the guy,” Sebastian says. “Did he look like some kind of secret agent type to you? There he is,” Sebastian points in the direction of the bar. “And he’s chatting up that hot girl. He’s probably going to ditch his actual date the way he’s touching the hot girl’s ass.”

  I suddenly feel more confident. I can do this. “You’re right,” I say. “I’ll go and say hi. I will keep it simple. Introduce myself. See where it goes. If she seems like she’s interested, I’ll make another move. Otherwise, we’re going back to our room and watching every single sequel of Die Hard ever released.”

  “I’ll be right here,” Sebastian says and pats me on the back.

  I head in the direction of the girl, while still keeping an eye out for her date. But that guy looks like he’s hitting it off with the hot girl who is dressed in a very short skirt and the guy himself isn’t even that great of a catch. If he has some secret moves I’m not aware of, then sure, but on the outside, he’s just a regular guy. He’s not bad looking I suppose, just pretty average. Perhaps he’s a sweet-talker, knows his way around a woman’s head or her heart. Maybe somehow he knows the art, something I would know nothing about. Because that’s a talent that I can only wish I had. Part of the reason why I’ve resorted to having one-night stands is because I can never tell what’s going on inside a girl’s head. I’m truly bad at all that so I think I make it a point not to get deeply involved. That way, my pathetic relationship skills wouldn’t be known to everyone.